A girlhood experience helped me to understand how struggle can strengthen us. My family raised partridges. My brothers and sisters and I spent hours gazing at the eggs in the incubator, waiting to see the little birds break out of their shells. The first time we watched the eggs hatch, we felt sorry for the little birds. It seemed to take so long and be so hard. (We didn’t know then that partridge chicks take from forty-eight to seventy-two hours just to break out of their shells.) We were afraid that the baby birds’ strength would not be equal to the task.
So we helped them a bit. As the birds began to hatch, we carefully and gently chipped away bits of the shells—a piece here and a piece there—to make it a little easier for them. We were thrilled when the first young birds emerged from their shells! But to our horror, we saw that every one of the birds had deformed feet. Over the next few days, they died, unable to stand or walk properly to their food or water.
We were grief- and guilt-stricken when we learned that our kindhearted assistance had caused the problem. The time and energy the chicks spend breaking through their eggshells strengthen and develop their legs, feet, and neck, so that they are ready to run around and maintain their balance when they finally emerge. Our attempts to make it easier for the birds destroyed them.
The same is true of marriage. By meeting the challenges, facing the difficulties, and working things out together, we grow closer to becoming one. If we have trust that marriage is a unifying process, we realize that the inevitable problems and conflicts that arise are stepping stones and not obstacles. Our troubles can bring us closer together instead of separating us.
So we helped them a bit. As the birds began to hatch, we carefully and gently chipped away bits of the shells—a piece here and a piece there—to make it a little easier for them. We were thrilled when the first young birds emerged from their shells! But to our horror, we saw that every one of the birds had deformed feet. Over the next few days, they died, unable to stand or walk properly to their food or water.
We were grief- and guilt-stricken when we learned that our kindhearted assistance had caused the problem. The time and energy the chicks spend breaking through their eggshells strengthen and develop their legs, feet, and neck, so that they are ready to run around and maintain their balance when they finally emerge. Our attempts to make it easier for the birds destroyed them.
The same is true of marriage. By meeting the challenges, facing the difficulties, and working things out together, we grow closer to becoming one. If we have trust that marriage is a unifying process, we realize that the inevitable problems and conflicts that arise are stepping stones and not obstacles. Our troubles can bring us closer together instead of separating us.
-Christie H. Frandsen
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